Sunday 2 March 2014

Conversations with Dog


As I write this Keeta, our Siberian husky, is stretched out on the couch with her head resting on my left arm. In fact she's making my arm go dead but she looks so content and sleepy I haven't got the heart to move her. She's a lovely creature who is in equal measure affectionate, stubborn, independent, excitable, greedy, lazy and daft. She's also addicted to cheese and Haribo which is why my packet of fizzy cola bottles is cunning hidden under a cushion next to me. She knows they're there and whenever I rustle the packet she grumbles at me.

Huskies are quite vocal dogs and although ours is quieter than some (she rarely howls, despite Mr P spending hours trying to encourage her with some interesting wolf impressions) she nevertheless let's us know when she wants something. If you have a pet, especially a dog, have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a proper conversation with them? Here are a few things I can imagine Keeta saying if she suddenly mastered English...

On being told she's not having any of my cheese sandwich...
Keeta: I suppose that's fair, it is your sandwich, but I like cheese. Besides, I'm cute and you love me. Please can I have some? Pleeeeeeeeeease? I'll just sit right here next to you while you think about it.

When one of us picks up her collar...
Keeta: That was my collar. That means I'm going somewhere! YES! Where are we going? Are we going in the car? Are we going for a walk? I'm so excited! What are we doing? Oh god, I hope it's not the vet. No I can't sit still. I'm far too excited! Lemme out! FREEDOM!!! (By which time we've usually just  about managed to get her collar on her)


On opening a packet of Haribo...

Keeta: Those are jelly sweets aren't they? I love those! Can I have one? Please? PLEASE? I'm soooo hungry. I don't care if you hide them under a cushion, I know they're there. I love you! Give me a sweetie! PLEASE! Ok, just give me a sweetie NOW!!!

On deciding she wants to go lie on our bed...
Keeta: You two look tired, you should go lie down. I know you're watching TV but you have a perfectly good TV upstairs. Come on! Look, I want to go chill out and your bed is so comfy! I promise I won't take over the whole bed, I'll make sure you have a little bit of space too. I know I'm not allowed upstairs on my own so please will you come with me? I just want to snuggle up with you all comfy like.

On meeting a very small dog...
Keeta: Lunch?
(To be fair she usually just wants to play but huskies are very rough and mouthy when they play, which small dogs tend not to appreciate!)

Do you have any pets? What do you think they would say if they could talk?

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